How did that happen?

Weird title for a blog post right? I just want to talk about my panic attacks and that's how I feel ... How did it happen? Why did they start?

So first of all, Hi, hello, how are you? 

Like I said I have no idea of why my panic attacks started, basically, I was on vacation two years ago, and when me and my family got out to go to the beach I remembered I had forgotten something in our apartment upstairs, so I had to go back alone in an elevator, and that's when it started.I couldn't breathe right, I kept thinking about what was happening, it felt like something was crushing my lungs, and then the door opened and I got out and I could breathe again. (Was this a panic attack? I'm still not sure). I called my mom and told her was happened so she came upstairs and we both went back downstairs and nothing happened, and I was very confused and decided to let it go, it was probably nothing.

For a few months that didn't happen again, until I went visit my cousin, alone, and she lives on the 6th floor, so... elevator... alone. It started again. I don't know why did this all start happening now because I already had used that elevator alone before, so why now? Technically I still don't know, but I think it's because I keep thinking about the elevator stop working, or falling into my sudden death. I used an elevator recently alone, nothing happened, so I started to dig into this. Basically, I can use an elevator if it doesn't make any noise or has a mirror (that way the elevator looks bigger). My cousin's apartment elevator makes so much noise!! and the other one from my vacation has no mirror, so I feel like the walls are crushing me, but it's not claustrophobia because I'm ok with closed spaces. So that's the first story of panic attacks. I have more that include spiders and sharks and pools. Amazing.

I'm not going to share those just yet because I'm still working on them, and I want to figure them out like I did with elevators. Basically (I say this a lot don't I?), now I don't use elevators alone, and if I have to then I just use the stairs because even if they have mirrors I never know if they make noise, but even with someone, the noise always gets me, but not as much as if I were alone.

I hope this post wasn't a drag or anything, but I created this blog so I could be myself and share whatever I wanted to.

Do you have panic attacks or anxiety or something? feel free to share if you want to.